INTERRACIAL DATING
How to Deal with the Tampo Moments of a Filipina
Ever had your Filipina girlfriend suddenly go quiet on you, giving you the cold shoulder out of nowhere?
That’s tampo for you, a little quirk in Filipino cultural behavior, especially common with Filipino women.
If you’re a foreigner, this might look childish because you’re used to dealing with issues directly.
Dr. Adam McKee described it well in his article about tampo. In Filipino culture, it’s a whole mix of feelings and cultural things that can leave you scratching your head.
Understanding the Concept of Tampo
She’s not talking to you again, huh?
You ask her what she wants for dinner and she just shrugs and says, “I don’t know, you decide.” You might have raised your voice slightly, and now she’s acting cold.
Sometimes, you don’t even know why she’s upset. She just goes silent for no apparent reason. The only things you might hear are doors slamming or things flying around. And oh, she’d be nice to everyone except you.
“What did I do this time?” is your usual line.
It’s frustrating, I know.
Understanding tampo is like unlocking a secret code to smoother relationships with Filipinas, whether you’re dating, friends, or working together.
Let’s break down what tampo really is, and most importantly, how to deal with tampo when it pops up with your Filipina girlfriend.
Trust me, once you get the hang of it, you’ll be breezing through those tampo moments like a champ.
What Is Tampo
The concept of the tampo attitude is deeply rooted in Filipino culture. It’s a behavior that is often learned from a young age, usually through the observation of family members and other influential figures.
Tampo is a cultural expression of various emotions, including hurt, disappointment, or even love.
In relationships, it can be triggered by a variety of factors, such as feeling neglected, misunderstood, or disrespected.
It’s a way for Filipinos to express their dissatisfaction without directly confronting the issue, often to avoid conflict or to test the sincerity of their partner’s feelings.
It’s not exclusive to romantic relationships; it can also occur in friendships and family dynamics.
5 Ways to Deal with Tampo
Here are some tips to help you get through those tampo moments:
1. Patience and Empathy
Tampo is often a way for Filipinas to express their feelings without directly showing them. Be patient and try to understand what might be bothering her. Show empathy and let her know you care about how she feels.
2. Communication
While she might not be talking much, encourage her to communicate. Ask her gently and respectfully if something is wrong and assure her that you’re there to listen. Sometimes, all she needs is a listening ear.
3. Apologize If Necessary
If you’ve done something to upset her, apologize sincerely. Acknowledge your mistake and express your desire to make things right.
4. Show Affection
Sometimes, she just needs to feel your love and care. A little gesture of affection, like a hug or holding her hand, can go a long way in reassuring her of your love and support.
5. Learn from Each Experience
Tampo can be a learning experience for both of you. Use each moment as an opportunity to understand each other better and strengthen your relationship.
The Key
When your Filipina partner goes into tampo mode, it’s frustrating because you’re left trying to figure out what’s wrong when you’re not a mind reader.
The key here is to be patient. Getting all worked up or defensive will only make things worse. Show her you care and want to understand what’s bothering her.
Ask her gently what’s up and really listen to her when she talks. Don’t even try to look at your phone or anywhere when she starts talking!
Tampo can be triggered by something small that’s blown out of proportion or a bigger issue she’s been holding in. Either way, showing empathy and being there for her is important.
But while the key is in trying to understand her situation, it’s also perfectly okay to express how you feel. Let her know you’re there to work through things together. After all, the relationship will only succeed if you are both putting in effort.
Reference
“Tampo: The Filipina Way of Expressing Emotions.” n.d. Doc McKee. Accessed April 25, 2024. https://docmckee.com/travel/tampo-the-filipina-way-of-expressing-emotions/.
